Aug 29, 2023 |

During coaching sessions with my clients, I often emphasize the power of vulnerability- the ability to admit your limitations and express your true feelings about yourself. Some clients have found this quite challenging and as the sessions progress, it emerges that there is an unconscious desire or need to please others, often at their own expense. We often hear the term “people pleasing” to describe a variety of behaviours such as this.

What does people pleasing mean? During my last webinar with Laura Serrant, we talked about what people pleasing means and how you can overcome your people pleasing tendencies. Over the years, I have guided numerous individuals through the journey of shedding their people-pleasing tendencies to embrace their authentic selves.

So how do you know if you are a people pleaser?

Do you find yourself constantly striving to appease others?
Do you negatively take on additional work even though you have enough to do?
Do you put everyone’s needs and requests before yours?
Do you have a difficult time saying NO?

If your answers to these questions are YES, you are a people pleaser. If these scenarios resonate with you, then you might be dealing with people-pleasing tendencies. However, while it is admirable to be kind, respectful, compassionate and considerate towards others, it is equally important to ensure that your actions come from a place of authenticity rather than an insatiable need for approval. As an individual, it is important to know yourself first, consider yourself and know your values.

One of the motivations behind pleasing others is the idea that you can influence how people see you by giving in to their needs. This appearance of control, though, is at best not real. It is important to understand that true empowerment comes from realising that you have no influence over how other people view you, and that trying to do so would only cause you to divert your attention from your own journey of development and self-discovery. Why not be your own overseer, validate yourself and your values.

Here are some tips for you!
✅ Be Authentic about who you are, your values and principles
✅ Set boundaries and expectations
✅ Take it one step at a time
✅ Practice saying NO without the need to give an excuse
✅ Manage your time and space set goals and priorities
✅ Take control. Keep doing good things, on your terms
✅ Stop apologising
✅ Validate yourself, Raise your self esteem

In the words of Steve Jobs, “It’s only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” Cultivating self-compassion is a necessary step in the transformation from a people-pleaser to an empowered person. You should be nice and understanding to yourself just as you are to others. Recognise that your intrinsic value as a special individual, not how much you accomplish for others, determines your worth.

Every individual’s journey is unique, and so is yours. Together, we will work to identify the root causes of your people-pleasing tendencies, unravel the limiting beliefs that hold you back, and design a tailored roadmap for your personal transformation.

Why not book a discovery call with Jacynth Ivey and let us get started.